Glossary of terms
The language of alternative relationships, defined plainly and without judgement — so nothing you read around White Rabbit feels like a foreign tongue.
Every community has its own shorthand, and this one is no exception. Here are the terms you’re most likely to meet, in plain English. For fuller explanations, see the guides on ethical non-monogamy and D/s dynamics.
| Term | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Aftercare | Comfort and reconnection between partners after a scene — reassurance, warmth, conversation. Considered an essential part of a responsible D/s dynamic. |
| BDSM | An umbrella for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism — a spectrum of consensual power and sensation play. |
| Compersion | The warm, positive feeling some people get from seeing a partner happy with someone else — often described as the opposite of jealousy. |
| Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) | Any relationship style involving more than one partner with everyone's informed consent. Used interchangeably with ethical non-monogamy. |
| Discretion | Keeping your involvement private from the outside world. On White Rabbit it's built as architecture — data minimisation, locked photo vaults, content-free notifications, pre-emptive blocking. |
| Dominant (Dom / Domme) | The partner who takes a leading role in a D/s dynamic, offering direction or control the submissive has consented to give. |
| Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) | Having more than one romantic or sexual relationship at once, with everyone's informed consent. The umbrella term for consensual non-monogamy. |
| Hard limit | An absolute boundary that will not be crossed under any circumstances. Always respected, never negotiated away. |
| Monogamish | A largely monogamous couple who allow specific, limited exceptions — for example at agreed events or while travelling. |
| New relationship energy (NRE) | The intense excitement and infatuation early in a new connection. Recognised in non-monogamy so it doesn't crowd out existing partners. |
| Open relationship | A committed couple who agree one or both partners can have sexual connections with others, usually keeping romantic commitment between the two of them. |
| Polyamory | Having more than one loving, romantic relationship at a time, with everyone's knowledge and consent. |
| RACK | Risk-aware consensual kink — a framing that stresses understanding and accepting risks together, rather than calling any act simply 'safe'. |
| Relationship anarchy | Rejecting fixed hierarchies and rules between relationships, letting each connection define itself rather than ranking partners. |
| Safeword | An agreed word that instantly pauses or stops a scene, no explanation needed — a cornerstone of consent in D/s. |
| Soft limit | A boundary someone is hesitant about but may explore carefully under the right conditions. Approached with communication and consent. |
| SSC | Safe, sane and consensual — a long-standing shorthand for the duty of care in kink and D/s. |
| Submissive (sub) | The partner who chooses to follow, yield or serve within agreed limits. An active, deliberate choice, never an absence of power. |
| Switch | Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner or moment. |
| Swinging | Committed couples engaging in sexual activity with others, often together and social, rather than forming separate romantic bonds. |
| Throuple | A committed romantic relationship between three people, all involved with one another. |
| Unicorn | A single person, often a bisexual woman, who dates or plays with an established couple. Named for how sought-after and rare the arrangement can be. |
| Vetting | Checking that someone is who they say they are and safe to meet — through verification, conversation and shared references before connecting in person. |
Language here is descriptive, not prescriptive — people define these words for themselves, and the only definition that ultimately matters is the one you and your partners agree on.
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